Good Morning Birth Peeps,
Kimberly responded to Change #20 telling us about her childbirth classes, and how about five minutes is spent during each class mentioning pain-coping. This is not unique. Many parents over the years have told me that with all the other information and videos that were given, teachers simply "ran out of time" for pain-coping and either "squeezed in a bit of relaxation" at the end, or promised to do more the following week. More time is dedicated to epidural information.

Over the years, postpartum, enlightened (if not burned) parents have taught me that most of the information they learned in classes (including my classes at the time) was not useful in labor, nor could it be remembered in the haze of labor's trance and exhaustion.

The one thing parents have consistently told me--and sadly still are telling me--was that they wished they had learned more about how to embrace and cope with pain, intensity, the unknown, and surprises.

From the wisdom and pleas of unprepared parents, and from knowing (both as a midwife and a mother) what they were saying was absolutely true, I changed my classes decades ago. The Birthing From Within model is based on the wisdom of parents.

There are four beliefs that motivate me to dedicate so much time to building a pain-coping mindset in classes:
1. I believe that the one thing for certain almost every mother will face and embody throughout labor, beginning with early contractions, is an unfamiliar, growing ever stronger, physical experience of dilation (call it pain, rushes, waves or whatever you like), exhaustion, and feeling "lost" or "uncertain" from time to time. Almost every mother will tell you it was more than she expected. She deserves to mentored to meet and move with the power of labor.

2. I also begin with the knowledge that as labor progresses, women shift from rational or thinking, rapid beta brainwaves toward their maternally intuitive, imaginal, slower alpha/theta brain waves. Women labor in their body. Labor is not a concept or a plan to be followed in their mind. So, I want my classes to engage and train the part of their brain in which they will spend most of their time in labor. I want the parents to cultivate emotional and physical skills and mental concentration: things they will need in their labyrinth of birth. At most we have twelve short hours to do this!

("Side Bar:" That said, most of the Fascinating Facts parents learn in their beta-note taking-class brain will fall away in the passion of labor. This is why so many women complain or shrug their shoulders when asked about their childbirth class. They say, "It all seemed interesting at the time, but it wasn't really useful in labor. Don't think I'll do that again." Or worse, as one father told Virginia recently, their previous classes were "boring," "a waste of time," and "irrelevant." And this rap is the recommendation given to peers... which may account for the fall in childbirth class attendance.)

3. Fathers, other mothers, and birth support people also need to learn mindfullness practices--to center themselves in labor; they also need to learn mental concentration in order to support and entrain the mother's efforts in labor. They need step-by-step experience (not cliches) to build genuine confidence in pain-coping and solution-focused thinking. When a mother's support people are afraid of, or uncomfortable with, her pain, intensity, or exhaustion in labor, the mother sees this and may want to take care of them by controlling or stopping her expression of pain in any number of ways. It is imperative for the support people to be prepared--so they will not feel powerless.

Perhaps it is natural for women in labor to find their way through the pain and intensity. I believe this is often true. But, it is new for fathers/other mothers to stand by and witness someone they love "in pain," and perhaps it is natural for them to want it to stop. For this reason, 60% of my attention during pain-coping practice goes to the father/other mother/birth companion. Their confidence and personal mindfulness practice during labor may entrain the mother during labor.

4. If labor progresses quickly, normally, and the mother is well-supported with no additional surprises, she and her partner could probably get on without all this fuss and training. Lots of women/couples do--and many can not. Since we don't have a crystal ball to know what she will need, we cannot rest on the theory that labor is natural and that all (modern) women know what to do.


What Change Can We Bring To Birth in our Culture!
1. Every childbirth class begins with a pain-coping practice. At least a half hour of every two-hour class is dedicated to building a pain-coping mindset. Building a pain-coping, solution-focused mindset is not the same as learning to relax or some stylized breathing pattern or technique.

2. Parents don't just hold ice for one minute "to see how long a minute long contraction is"!! I am hearing this nonsense from many parents. They tell me that their teacher made them hold ice for a minute -- how could this gimmick possibly be helpful? Is it a bad misunderstanding or poor imitation of BFW classes?

What parents in BFW classes do is learn a pain-coping practice, then... ice is held for a one-minute "ice contraction"--for several "contractions" in a row--to experience, embody, and really learn and refine the practice. Without ice, the practices would be sweet little meditations that didn't really require concentration or focus.

3. There is so much more to building a pain-coping mindset in classes... which can't be explained in this blog. It is a major section of our Level One Introductory Trainings and it required three CDs in a set for teachers called How to Teach Pain-Coping Practices.

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So Kimberly, you still have time. Since your classes don't have enough time to prepare you in pain-coping, please write the office and ask Raquel to send you a Pain Coping Cd for Parents as a gift from me for inspiring this blog.

Warmly,

Pam