Change #33 Annual Red Tent Story Retreat

Hi Birth Peeps,

Birthing From Within’s Red Tent is unique. Our first Red Tent was held in Taos, New Mexico about a decade ago. Right from the start, the idea was to create a conference-retreat exclusively for our certified mentors, one that not only provided advanced training but also offered personal and spiritual growth. Typically in childbirth organizations, annual conferences offer lectures about a wide range of birth-related topics; registration is open to all aspiring and certified members. However, as I gained experience as a birth professional, I personally wanted something more from birth conferences—something that really helped me mature professionally in a holistic way, beyond informing me.

So when our first BFW childbirth mentors and doulas became certified—and also wanted something more—the idea of having a special retreat for personal and professional growth, exclusively for certified childbirth mentors, was conceived. Around that time Anita Diamont’s book, The Red Tent (1998), was published, so we named our retreat the “Red Tent.”

Because of the popularity of the book, there are lots of “Red Tent” gatherings across the country. There are Red Tents for healing, for women’s groups, for sharing life stories, and some specifically for telling birth stories. Our Red Tent centers around storytelling, too, but in a very unique way: We do not share personal birth stories. Rather, we learn Great Stories, myths, or folk tales that map the hero’s journey or convey a teaching to the listeners.

In past Red Tents, one Great Story was told, then throughout the retreat, mentors continued to explore its deeper meaning in break-out sessions, birth art projects, and story ceremonies, finding relevance both in their own lives and as it might apply to parents in the childbearing year.

Our Red Tent retreats are still intimate; about 20 women came this year to beautiful Synergia Ranch near Santa Fe. We enjoy meeting up with old friends we’ve met at previous trainings. Meal times and hikes are a time of joyful sharing of mentoring creativity and birth politics from around the world. Experienced mentors learn from and teach one another advanced mentoring techniques and share case studies.

BFW's  Red Tent May 2012 theme was inspired by the novel Damascus Nights by Rafik Schami (2011).  Thus, we modified our former theme: instead of presenting just one Great Story, we invited seven mentors to tell seven stories.Here’s a little background:

In his book, Damascus Nights, Schami weaves a delightful tale of Salim, an old storyteller, who is visited one morning by none other than his Story Fairy, who, until that fateful visit, he never even knew existed! She tells him that it is she, who, for sixty years, "breathed life into his dusty, wooden words and mad them grow into a magical tree of tales" and that it is she who picked up the thread when he forgot where he was in a story. But now she is old and gray and wants to retire. And when she does, she warns him, he will lose his voice. She knows he is not ready to retire as a storyteller. So, she tells him she has asked the Fairy King for a favor, which he granted—with the following conditions: 

From this moment on, he has only 21 words left to speak before he becomes mute. If, in three months time, Salim receives seven gifts, he will be given a new, younger, story fairy and his voice will be restored; he will go on telling stories. Sure enough, 21 words later, Salim the storyteller goes mute.

Salim has seven good friends who try to help. They gift him everything they can think of from seven great meals, to seven great wines, to seven trips.... Time was running out. Finally they decide to each tell a story to Salim-- a Gift of Seven Stories-- And with the seventh story, Salim is granted a new Story Fairy and he begins to tell stories again.

At our Red Tent this year, seven Certified BFW Mentors told seven fabulous stories. (And not one of them was a birth story!—and yet every one of the stories could be Medicine for mothers during their childbearing year.) 

Carolina Quintana from Guadalajara, Mexico told a story she created about Mariposa (Butterfly) and described an amazing butterfly mandala process she has developed for pregnant women; Erika Primozich from Colorado told the sacred story of White Buffalo Calf Woman; Guina Bixler from Atlanta, Georgia, led us in a clay art process; Rachael Adair from California told the Celtic story of Cerridwen; Monique Paris from Hawaii told the story of Seal Skin, Soul Skin; Leticia, also from Guadalajara, shared a gift of Rebozo; and Virginia Beall from Idaho told the Lakota story, Jumping Mouse. (During our Mandala Painting workshop just before the Red Tent,  Stephanie Rayburn, a Bear mentor from Colorado, told us the story of The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams). Her rendition was so moving, you could have heard a pin drop… that is before we had to pass the tissue box.

In truth there were more than seven stories told. Because within every story is a story, and within every mandala is a story, whether it was a personal journey or a Great Story, we were gifted with seven times seven stories! Five of our storytellers made a Story Mandala representing the story they were planning to tell. . . so we also had a journey-image of the story—which we had watched emerge slowly by the hand of the storyteller. This was doubly rich for both story-listeners and storytellers.

(This is Erika, a BFW Mentor and Advisor, who told us the story of White Buffalo Calf Woman, with her finished mandala. Erika had never told a Great Story or painted before--so this Red Tent was a milestone in her personal and professional journey--and an inspiration to us all.)

A storyteller needs a story-listener: Linda, Rachael, Guina, Monique, Donna

After telling her story, the Storyteller would invite the story-listeners to reflect on the meaning it held for them personally, as a mentor, or as Medicine for parents during the childbearing year. The sharings were as delicious as the story.

 Storytelling is an integral part of the lost art of mentoring. Storytelling was the original form of teaching. A Great Story, a hero-journey myth or folk tale, is "indirect" or ambiguous, which means that every story-listener can draw from the story unique meaning or Medicine that speaks to where she is on her journey. And, each time the story-listener hears the same story, she will draw still yet new meaning because she is hearing it with new ears on a new place in her journey. 

During a Great Story-telling, the story-listener identifies with one of the characters or a particular event in the story; it is in this emotionally- or imagination-charged identification that something within the listener begins to stir. She begins to feel instead of think, she remembers who she is, or she envisions a new solution or possibility. Oddly because a Great Story is not a personal birth story or a story about birth directly, the Medicine is even more potent and has a "slow-release" effect. In labor, when a woman's rational mind recedes to the background, her imaginal right-brain becomes more accessible.  It is then, that she may recall and  begin to draw strength from the images she made while hearing a Great Story during her childbirth preparation. A Great Story becomes an "inner map" guiding her--not toward striving for  a particular outcome (which is more typical of direct stories or birth stories)--but more importantly, into her infinite wealth of unconscious resources and creativity and self-awareness.

BFW Childbirth Mentors know this to be true, because women returning from birth testify to the power of a Great Story, and how, in the throes of labor, they recalled the hero in the hero's journey story and found inspiration or a different kind of knowing.

This is why BFW believes that Awakening the Storyteller in Midwives and Doulas and Mentors will change birth in our culture. When we change the stories we tell and the stories we hear, birth in our culture will change. The most powerful teachers are the Story and the Storytellers.

This was one birth event and Red Tent no one wanted to end. Before it was over, the consensus was to make at least one change: instead of having our Red Tent Story Retreat every other year, we should have it every year.

We will continue... and I hope you will join us in the future.

Pam

Change # 32 THINKING IN CREATIVE CIRCLES

 Dear Birth Peeps,

Birthing From Within just offered a special (and AMAZING) All Mentor Conference (exclusively for our mentors from beginners to certified). The theme was Myths, Mentoring, and Mandalas. We gathered at Synergia Ranch near Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Our colorful conference began Friday evening with a brief power point presentation showing a variety of mandalas and an introduction to sacred geometry. About half of the women had previous experience painting with acrylics, so I offered a mini-lesson in how to paint and layer with acrylic.

Sweet Dreams: Finally, before going to sleep after a long day of travel, everyone was invited to invoke a “mandala dream.” Mandalas and symbolic art arise from dream-like states of reverie, or that in-between place just before falling asleep or when we are waking.  When we try to paint from our ego-mind, we paint what we already know or what we have already seen. The best part of creation and painting is the unexpected aha-moments that come with new and sudden associations between two familiar ideas. That is true learning. Those moments are the joy of creation, creativity, and daring to paint. So off we went… to our cozy little rooms. We left paper and pencil on our bedside tables to catch the dream images. At breakfast we shared our new dreams and were soon in the art room laying out designs and under-paintings.

Mandala means “circle” in Sanskrit. A mandala may be composed of circles, squares, upward and downward triangles, and/or star shapes. Alternating and “telescoping” squares and circles, in decreasing diameter, leads the viewer’s eye inward toward the center—and out, or around the border.

In geometric mandalas, the center, is marked by a small black dot, a “bindu.” Bindu represents the "seed" of life, the universal creative potential; it represents the duality of all that is unmanifest made manifest. One of the first tasks in creating a mandala (that is built on sacred geometry) is to mark the center of the mandala and build from there. The center can also be marked by a sacred figure, symbol, bead, or milagro.

There are story mandalas, meditation mandalas, and what I experience as “spontaneous” mandalas. Carl Jung made a series of spontaneous, process-oriented, mandalas during a phase in his life (see the Red Book), and many of us made this type, too.

I began making story mandalas as a “map” on the wall when I was telling complex hero journey myths or fairytales. Instead of using words, little drawings represented key segments, characters, or moments in the story. Last year I made an intricate hero journey mandala which was featured on this blog. This piece is also a meditation mandala because, by focusing on one area or symbol, the viewer can take an inward journey.

Why are childbirth mentors interested in making mandalas? Designing, painting, and beading a mandala is an uplifting meditation and journey inward. Hanging our mandala in our teaching or interviewing space creates a certain mood for us and the parents we work with. Parents enjoy looking into a mandala—taking a journey through all the colors, symbols, or little illustrations.

Of all the childbirth workshops I’ve ever been to, this one was the most joyful and peaceful. Throughout the day, mentors worked side by side, sharing rulers, brushes, and stories, watching one another’s images build and build, and hearing insights. Painting tips and techniques were shared as we went. On breaks, we shared how we used creativity in our own lives and workplace… deep friendships were forged.

More to come,

With love,

Pam and Virginia

#31: ?

Hello Everyone,
Today while I was searching for the new study on the link between obesity and autism, I found a link from BBC's "Witness." They interviewed JANET BALASKAS, who, in 1982, was (in her own words), "just a mother and childbirth teacher in north London." She had never given a speech but found herself speaking to a group of 6,000 people, mostly mothers and fathers (and babies too).  Balaskas announced and organized this march in London for the right to birth normally, and through a groundswell of consumer-interest (the internet, let alone social media, was not around yet!), 6,000 parents gathered to demand the right to birth normally. The protesters carried signs with messages such as: "SQUAT FOR YOUR RIGHTS" and "STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS." Janet invited Dr. Michel Odent, author of many books on birth, and he came to support them! Fortunately, a rock band offered the free use of a stage and sound system.

JANET BALASKAS, now a well-known author and founder of Active Birth (1990/1992) and birth activist, is an amazing woman.  She has a beautiful, peaceful Active Birth  Centre in north London (Virginia Bobro and I have both enjoyed giving talks and workshops at the Active Birth Centre when we were in London).

What inspired Janet to organize a march in 1982 was that women were literally being "forced" to birth on their backs. Janet went to the library to inform herself on other positions women could labor/birth in, and she discovered that, until the 16th century, women gave birth standing, squatting, and kneeling--there were no illustrations of women lying on their backs. She also learned (it was new news back then!) that when mothers lie on their backs, the pelvic diameter decreased and blood supply to the fetus decreased.

When Janet became pregnant, she sought out a midwife for a home birth. At the time her midwives had not seen a woman give birth upright, but they were willing to go with this; Janet did birth at home. She had four children.

When Janet first taught women "Active Birth" and upright birth positions, it was revolutionary. "Active Birth" was banned in the hospital.  One doctor referred to active birth as "animalistic behavior." Through persistence, the idea of birthing upright, or in whatever position the woman desires, has become more "accepted." Even so, recently I was speaking with a mother who was still surprised to learn she could give birth without lying on her back!

In 1982, women were actively learning about their bodies, the midwifery model, and wanting autonomy. It was an exciting time to be a midwife and a mother. It was parent-driven change that brought 6,000 parents in London together to demand the right to birth normally in hospitals.

That is impressive, inspiring; I wish I could have been there! In a way, even if I missed the march, I feel some of Janet Balaskas' frustration today, in 2012. Yesterday I spoke with Virginia Bobro (co-owner of Birthing From Within) who  imagined someone arriving in a time capsule in London and telling everyone at the march for natural birth, "Hey, this is a great turn out! You are probably envisioning a really conscious birth culture thirty years from now. But, I just came back from 2012, and I'm sorry to report, most women are still birthing on their backs... but for different reasons." (e.g. the incredible rise in inductions, epidurals, and cesareans, as well as (still!)  birth attendants' preference for the mother to be in the bed when she is pushing).

There are new questions to ask, now in 2012:
(1) How many mothers in Western hospitals (who are not being induced or are confined to bed because of an epidural) are really encouraged or "allowed" to stand and birth, or get on hands-and-knees, or squat on the bed or on a blanket on the floor?
(2) How many mothers who ARE "allowed" to get up and walk in labor are told to get in bed during pushing and birthing?
(3) How many mothers are "demanding" the right to give birth naturally?

I ask myself: Would even 1,000 parents come together today to Occupy Birth and demand midwifery care or natural birth or protest routine monitoring, inductions, or high cesarean rates?  The passivity among the majority of parents is deafening and confusing. Something has happened. It's not all about the medical model; some hospitals do offer parents midwifery care and many more options than before, this is true. It's also about the collective attitudes of mothers; some midwives tell me that many parents do not desire, value, or demand natural birth.

When I tried to think of a title for this post, #31 of 50 Ways to Change Birth in Our Culture, I stumped myself.  Is the problem within the medical model or within the parents' vision of birth? Can parents organize a march to motivate parents?

Here are two links:

To hear the interview on BBC's "Witness" with Janet Balaskas:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/witness#playepisode5

To learn more about the Active Birth Centre in north London:

http://www.activebirthcentre.com/index.html

Warmly,

Pam

International Women's Day: Get the Government Out of Our Wombs

Hello Birth Peeps,

I admit I have not paid close attention to International Women's Day in the past. But today, as we find ourselves in a bizarre retro fight for our reproductive rights again, we all took notice! In the early 1900's, a National Women's Day was created to mobilize women to press for the issue of the day: the vote.... and birth control and sex education! About 1910, the National Day was expanded to International.  International Women's Day 2012 in the U.S. will go down in history as women everywhere are speaking up, speaking out, writing, protesting, tweeting, FB, blogging, reading and talking....and don't forget. . . 

WE VOTE!!

The irony of it!!  From the same Republican men who are calling for small, less intrusive government when it comes to the IRS, health care, banking education, business and how to pray in schools. The only area they seem to have the confidence to intrude is into women's wombs and our reproductive rights and health. They seem to feel they own that part of us. How much more intrusive could Republican men get than in the manner in which we decide how and whether or not to bear our children.What could be a more private matter?

Another reason we will remember International Women's Day 2012 is because:
Yesterday, Virginia's Republican Governor, Bob McDonnell, signed into law a controversial bill that will FORCE women to have an ultrasound before having an abortion.  This law defies a woman's right to informed consent. However, McConnell is confused or convinced that having an ultrasound provides information she will need to make her decision. His argument does not hold water: a woman already knows she is pregnant, an ultrasound will not provide additional information critical to her decision. He thinks he did women a favor by backing off on the vaginal ultrasound, but any unwished-for ultrasound procedure is intrusive.

This new law also defies physicians and caregivers their right and responsibility to provide and honor informed consent with their patient. 

Many friends consoled me earlier this week; they were certain the bill would not be signed because of the public outcry and pressure from other politicians. The bill was signed in spite of overwhelming response in protest from women. I thought Santorum was Comstock reincarnate; he is not the only one!!

Today my housemate, Toby,  told me to put on his headphones and he turned on a taping of the Rush Limbaugh show. When Limbaugh went to a commercial break at the usual time....  it was silent for over a minute, then later for over two minutes. Limbaugh didn't realize it at first, but there was silence where there should have been an advertisement. BoycottRush is working!  Silence.

There is power in numbers. Keep putting pressure on legislators and "the men"-- so we can Silence "the men."

In-Love,
Pam

Building a Pain Coping Mindset Empowers Mothers and Prevents Birth Trauma

Good Morning Birth Peeps,
Friday evening I gave a little talk at the New Mexico Midwives Association about how building a pain-coping mindset during pregnancy empowers women and prevents emotional birth trauma associated with not being prepared to cope with pain.

I don't think of pain-coping preparation as simply dealing with the sensation of cervical dilation, but rather a broader stroke of labor experience. Building a coping mindset includes preparing the new mother (and father/other mother) to embrace and work with the sensations of pain, but also uncertainty, intensity, and exhaustion.

It is interesting to me that the first sensation that alerts most women that labor has started is "pain".... and yet it is the last thing we want to talk about in a meaningful way. Mothers are well informed about the risks and benefits of medical birth, but often least informed about labor pain, intensity, and uncertainty and least prepared to cope with these primal elements of labor.

We'd like to think that because labor is natural and our bodies are made to do it that we will just "know" how to cope, that we will figure it out... hence the popular dictum, "Trust Birth." (And of course, if labor is short enough, and the woman has had certain life experiences up to that point that have prepared her, and her support team and environment are all in alignment, she will be blessed with a harmonious experience!)

It is my point of view that we cannot risk allowing women (especially first-time mothers and their partners) to figure this out--on their own--in labor. I respectfully think of new mothers (and their partners) as uninitiated. In traditional cultures, the uninitiated were not expected to initiate themselves. They were mentored through some kind of personal and experiential preparation so that when the Ordeal or new role in life occurred, they were prepared to meet it.

The catch word in birth is "empowerment." I work with mothers who have experienced emotional birth trauma related to being surprised and unprepared to cope with the normal pain of labor or how to labor in awareness (and self-acceptance) with an epidural.  Feeling betrayed (by false assurances) is not empowering. Feeling unprepared for uncertainty and pain-coping is not empowering. Experiencing helplessness and not knowing what to do--does not engender empowerment. These lead to negative self-beliefs that are not true, but feel very true to the mother who was not prepared.

The midwives had so many good questions and shared experiences. I thoroughly enjoyed sharing a little time with them and hope to do this again soon.

Warmly,

Pam

A Poem, Pathways, for you

Good Morning Birth Peeps,

This morning I began a new painting I am dreaming.
And, I rearranged my office; something I've attempted for months but had no inspiration, only frustration.
I was telling a friend I needed to be "more organized," a frequent lament of mine.
He suggested I strive for a space, an office, that would be "contemplative."
Contemplative, a restful place to work. I sighed with relief.
Instantly the judgment against myself fell, and I was motivated.
I should send you all a before and after picture of the transformation in progress.

Instead, I'll send you a poem about our Call... I found while I was re-organizing.
It is called PATHWAYS by Mark Nepo. It was published in the current Parabola.

"I don't know why I was I born
with this belief in something
deeper and larger than we can
see. But it's always called. Even as
 a boy, I knew that trees and light
and sky all point to some timeless
center out of view. I have spent my life
listening to that center and filter
-ing it through my heart. This listening
and filtering is the music of my soul,
of all souls. After sixty years, I've run
out of ways to name this. Even now,
my heart won't stand still In a mo-
ment of seeing, it takes the shape of
my eye. In a moment of speaking, the
shape of my tongue. In a moment of
silence, it slips back into the lake of
center. When you kiss me, it takes
the shape of your lip. When our dog
sleeps with us, it takes the shape of
her curl. When the hummingbird
feeds her baby, it takes the shape
of her beak carefully dropping
food into our throats.

Ahhh, how wonderful when delicious words and poems feed us!

In-Love,
Pam

#30 Changing Our Response and Attitudes to Birth Fears

Hellllloooooo Birth Peeps,
I have been away from this blog a long time because I became absorbed in writing, research, teaching, making a new website for bfwnewmexico.com, and recently, travel took me to Ojai Foundation in California for a week. Presently I am in Santa Barbara where Virginia and I will be working together this week.

This week, Virginia and I enjoyed spending time with sixteen wonderful birth mentors who attended the six-day Advanced Mentor Training at the Ojai Foundation in California. These women share various backgrounds in birth work and two common intentions:
1) Personal growth and awareness, and
2) Learning mentoring, visualization, storytelling and teaching skills that will help them prepare mothers/couples for birth in a holistic way.

One of the Threads of this training was about embracing personal and collective birth-related fears and worries, and to examine our own strategies to avoid unwished-for events (in life and) during the childbearing year.  We began "within" by learning how to really hear, tune into and embrace our own fears and powerlessness in labor and life. What better place to take time to reflect than under the 700 year old Teaching Tree!

Then, we slowly built various skills and a framework to be able to truly hear, validate and embrace parents' fears and worries, and strategies--and to lead them in an uplifting visualization that might later prevent them from abandoning or judging themselves for whatever might happen in labor.

If every parent and birth peep learned how to hear, embrace and transform fears, worries, and strategies related to "being in control" during the childbearing year... If they could let go of just one or two things they are holding on tight to avoid. . . Birth really would change--because this process directly balances our neuro-hormonal-physiology!

When new parents are gifted with this process, with this "self-knowledge," before the journey begins, there is no telling how it will change their physiology and ability to relax and open even before labor begins, and continue to open and be resourceful in labor! A fear/worry ignored and denied is still very alive in the nervous system; it needs to be seen, heard, and embraced to be healed.

And when birth peeps gift themselves with this process and self-awareness, no doubt, they would see, hear, and respond differently to parents during the childbearing year.

I cannot go into this complex topic on a short blog tonight. But I might say a little more. The more we--as a birth culture--try to deny parents' their natural doubts and fears, the further we put this part of preparation in the collective unseen underworld; the more parents must try to deny it too, thus denying them support in one of the most important parts of their preparation work. If they feel ashamed to have fear, doubts and worry, they may censor themselves, isolate a part of themselves, try to figure it out by themselves.  Shrouded in self-judgment (e.g., "I shouldn't worry," "I should trust," "What is the matter with me to feel this way?") they may become immobilized, waiting for someone else to explain, protect, assure. . . i.e. the proverbial "frozen in fear" response.

Bringing fear, doubt, and worry into the "light" and creating a new "story" about it ensures a new, although not always predictable response. This is one of the most important tasks of prenatal preparation.

Warmly,
Pam