International Women's Day: Get the Government Out of Our Wombs

Hello Birth Peeps,

I admit I have not paid close attention to International Women's Day in the past. But today, as we find ourselves in a bizarre retro fight for our reproductive rights again, we all took notice! In the early 1900's, a National Women's Day was created to mobilize women to press for the issue of the day: the vote.... and birth control and sex education! About 1910, the National Day was expanded to International.  International Women's Day 2012 in the U.S. will go down in history as women everywhere are speaking up, speaking out, writing, protesting, tweeting, FB, blogging, reading and talking....and don't forget. . . 

WE VOTE!!

The irony of it!!  From the same Republican men who are calling for small, less intrusive government when it comes to the IRS, health care, banking education, business and how to pray in schools. The only area they seem to have the confidence to intrude is into women's wombs and our reproductive rights and health. They seem to feel they own that part of us. How much more intrusive could Republican men get than in the manner in which we decide how and whether or not to bear our children.What could be a more private matter?

Another reason we will remember International Women's Day 2012 is because:
Yesterday, Virginia's Republican Governor, Bob McDonnell, signed into law a controversial bill that will FORCE women to have an ultrasound before having an abortion.  This law defies a woman's right to informed consent. However, McConnell is confused or convinced that having an ultrasound provides information she will need to make her decision. His argument does not hold water: a woman already knows she is pregnant, an ultrasound will not provide additional information critical to her decision. He thinks he did women a favor by backing off on the vaginal ultrasound, but any unwished-for ultrasound procedure is intrusive.

This new law also defies physicians and caregivers their right and responsibility to provide and honor informed consent with their patient. 

Many friends consoled me earlier this week; they were certain the bill would not be signed because of the public outcry and pressure from other politicians. The bill was signed in spite of overwhelming response in protest from women. I thought Santorum was Comstock reincarnate; he is not the only one!!

Today my housemate, Toby,  told me to put on his headphones and he turned on a taping of the Rush Limbaugh show. When Limbaugh went to a commercial break at the usual time....  it was silent for over a minute, then later for over two minutes. Limbaugh didn't realize it at first, but there was silence where there should have been an advertisement. BoycottRush is working!  Silence.

There is power in numbers. Keep putting pressure on legislators and "the men"-- so we can Silence "the men."

In-Love,
Pam

Building a Pain Coping Mindset Empowers Mothers and Prevents Birth Trauma

Good Morning Birth Peeps,
Friday evening I gave a little talk at the New Mexico Midwives Association about how building a pain-coping mindset during pregnancy empowers women and prevents emotional birth trauma associated with not being prepared to cope with pain.

I don't think of pain-coping preparation as simply dealing with the sensation of cervical dilation, but rather a broader stroke of labor experience. Building a coping mindset includes preparing the new mother (and father/other mother) to embrace and work with the sensations of pain, but also uncertainty, intensity, and exhaustion.

It is interesting to me that the first sensation that alerts most women that labor has started is "pain".... and yet it is the last thing we want to talk about in a meaningful way. Mothers are well informed about the risks and benefits of medical birth, but often least informed about labor pain, intensity, and uncertainty and least prepared to cope with these primal elements of labor.

We'd like to think that because labor is natural and our bodies are made to do it that we will just "know" how to cope, that we will figure it out... hence the popular dictum, "Trust Birth." (And of course, if labor is short enough, and the woman has had certain life experiences up to that point that have prepared her, and her support team and environment are all in alignment, she will be blessed with a harmonious experience!)

It is my point of view that we cannot risk allowing women (especially first-time mothers and their partners) to figure this out--on their own--in labor. I respectfully think of new mothers (and their partners) as uninitiated. In traditional cultures, the uninitiated were not expected to initiate themselves. They were mentored through some kind of personal and experiential preparation so that when the Ordeal or new role in life occurred, they were prepared to meet it.

The catch word in birth is "empowerment." I work with mothers who have experienced emotional birth trauma related to being surprised and unprepared to cope with the normal pain of labor or how to labor in awareness (and self-acceptance) with an epidural.  Feeling betrayed (by false assurances) is not empowering. Feeling unprepared for uncertainty and pain-coping is not empowering. Experiencing helplessness and not knowing what to do--does not engender empowerment. These lead to negative self-beliefs that are not true, but feel very true to the mother who was not prepared.

The midwives had so many good questions and shared experiences. I thoroughly enjoyed sharing a little time with them and hope to do this again soon.

Warmly,

Pam

A Poem, Pathways, for you

Good Morning Birth Peeps,

This morning I began a new painting I am dreaming.
And, I rearranged my office; something I've attempted for months but had no inspiration, only frustration.
I was telling a friend I needed to be "more organized," a frequent lament of mine.
He suggested I strive for a space, an office, that would be "contemplative."
Contemplative, a restful place to work. I sighed with relief.
Instantly the judgment against myself fell, and I was motivated.
I should send you all a before and after picture of the transformation in progress.

Instead, I'll send you a poem about our Call... I found while I was re-organizing.
It is called PATHWAYS by Mark Nepo. It was published in the current Parabola.

"I don't know why I was I born
with this belief in something
deeper and larger than we can
see. But it's always called. Even as
 a boy, I knew that trees and light
and sky all point to some timeless
center out of view. I have spent my life
listening to that center and filter
-ing it through my heart. This listening
and filtering is the music of my soul,
of all souls. After sixty years, I've run
out of ways to name this. Even now,
my heart won't stand still In a mo-
ment of seeing, it takes the shape of
my eye. In a moment of speaking, the
shape of my tongue. In a moment of
silence, it slips back into the lake of
center. When you kiss me, it takes
the shape of your lip. When our dog
sleeps with us, it takes the shape of
her curl. When the hummingbird
feeds her baby, it takes the shape
of her beak carefully dropping
food into our throats.

Ahhh, how wonderful when delicious words and poems feed us!

In-Love,
Pam

#30 Changing Our Response and Attitudes to Birth Fears

Hellllloooooo Birth Peeps,
I have been away from this blog a long time because I became absorbed in writing, research, teaching, making a new website for bfwnewmexico.com, and recently, travel took me to Ojai Foundation in California for a week. Presently I am in Santa Barbara where Virginia and I will be working together this week.

This week, Virginia and I enjoyed spending time with sixteen wonderful birth mentors who attended the six-day Advanced Mentor Training at the Ojai Foundation in California. These women share various backgrounds in birth work and two common intentions:
1) Personal growth and awareness, and
2) Learning mentoring, visualization, storytelling and teaching skills that will help them prepare mothers/couples for birth in a holistic way.

One of the Threads of this training was about embracing personal and collective birth-related fears and worries, and to examine our own strategies to avoid unwished-for events (in life and) during the childbearing year.  We began "within" by learning how to really hear, tune into and embrace our own fears and powerlessness in labor and life. What better place to take time to reflect than under the 700 year old Teaching Tree!

Then, we slowly built various skills and a framework to be able to truly hear, validate and embrace parents' fears and worries, and strategies--and to lead them in an uplifting visualization that might later prevent them from abandoning or judging themselves for whatever might happen in labor.

If every parent and birth peep learned how to hear, embrace and transform fears, worries, and strategies related to "being in control" during the childbearing year... If they could let go of just one or two things they are holding on tight to avoid. . . Birth really would change--because this process directly balances our neuro-hormonal-physiology!

When new parents are gifted with this process, with this "self-knowledge," before the journey begins, there is no telling how it will change their physiology and ability to relax and open even before labor begins, and continue to open and be resourceful in labor! A fear/worry ignored and denied is still very alive in the nervous system; it needs to be seen, heard, and embraced to be healed.

And when birth peeps gift themselves with this process and self-awareness, no doubt, they would see, hear, and respond differently to parents during the childbearing year.

I cannot go into this complex topic on a short blog tonight. But I might say a little more. The more we--as a birth culture--try to deny parents' their natural doubts and fears, the further we put this part of preparation in the collective unseen underworld; the more parents must try to deny it too, thus denying them support in one of the most important parts of their preparation work. If they feel ashamed to have fear, doubts and worry, they may censor themselves, isolate a part of themselves, try to figure it out by themselves.  Shrouded in self-judgment (e.g., "I shouldn't worry," "I should trust," "What is the matter with me to feel this way?") they may become immobilized, waiting for someone else to explain, protect, assure. . . i.e. the proverbial "frozen in fear" response.

Bringing fear, doubt, and worry into the "light" and creating a new "story" about it ensures a new, although not always predictable response. This is one of the most important tasks of prenatal preparation.

Warmly,
Pam

#29 Meditative, Multi-Cultural Laborinths in Birth Rooms

Greetings Birth Peeps,

This is Thanksgiving weekend (in the US), and for me it was a particularly special, even magical and blessed one. All weekend I’ve wanted to reach out to each of you, Birth Peeps, to share my gratitude with you for our shared work together, even though I don’t know all of you (yet), I know we are drawn together by a shared dream.

Today I want to share a painting I’ve been working on. I began this painting with a goal to finish it in two weeks… because every painting I make seems to take four months. I worked each morning toward that goal. Two weeks later I had gotten no further than an under painting! I continued working. It is now at least two months out and, I am still tweaking!

This painting began with a story my friend and hairdresser, Alberto, told me about his tias (aunties) in Mexico who were parteras (midwives). They used to tell pregnant mothers that they were warriors because in labor they would have to go to the underworld and battle with underworld spirits who held their babies. Each mother alone had go there and battle with the spirits to free her baby and bring it back to this world, to its new family who was waiting for him or her.

Inspired by this birth warrior mythology I began this painting using acryclic paint. There are many symbols in this painting, but I will point out just a few. 

There are two worlds, an upper “natural world” and the labyrinth of birth, the underworld of labor, divided by a gold line. This gold line is how I draw contractions. Typically contractions have been depicted as hills (as shown on a fetal monitor), however, I found in labor that my attention went downward and deep within with each contraction—so I began drawing the contractions as downward dips. In this painting, at the peak of each contraction-dip, the mothers consciousness dips, trickles, pours, into the underworld…. then returns to her resting baseline.

You can see six “spirits” holding babies in Laborland, and a mother swimming out with a baby (top right of the labyrinth’s opening), and the Fire Keeper.

 

Last week I was frustrated because the colors in the labyrinth were flat, dull and dreary. I kept changing the colors over and over, still flat. Then about five nights ago I had a vivid dream that showed me what to do, which colors to use and how to add beads! I jumped out of bed, found my odd collection of beads, then mixed up the colors and went to work… a few hours later… Look, the labyrinth now is vibrant, expressing both the dark and light aspects of journeying in the underworld. I also added four shells and a gold pendant of Mary.

One of my visions of how I might help change birth in our culture is to make a series of beautiful multi-cultural, labyrinth meditation paintings (and eventually prints of those paintings) so that birth rooms everywhere will have LabOrinths for women to gaze upon, to trace with their eyes during contractions to help ease the pain and still the mind.

Perhaps like-minded Artists of the Spirit will join me in this endeavor.

In-Love, In-Gratitude,

and still tweaking this painting…

Pam

Change #29 OCCUPY BIRTH

Dear Birth Peeps,
I have long been a fringe birth activist. I have been wanting to post "Occupy Birth" on this blog, but I don't feel I know enough or can remember all the statistics and arguments to make strong argument s as compelling as the activists we admire.  And, when I study the trends in obstetrics and midwifery, I easily fall prey to my Victim/Judge.  So, I watch from the sidelines and consider the arguments, I read, think, and wait... while I try to cultivate the Huntress/Warrior to carry my arguments and actions forward.

This morning I felt/heard a Call, it came one of our long-distance Birth Story Listening students, Shelley, who wrote a thoughtful post on our forum, and she shared a video with us that I want to pass on to Birth Peeps.

Here's the scoop: "Women are rallying for a December protest at Sharp Mary Birch Hospital in San Diego, which has the highest cesarean rate in the state of California. The larger purpose is to draw attention to the Cesarean epidemic issue/problem in our society. A doula and childbirth educator in the community put together this video clip to inform and inspire people to join in the movement. This video has been posted on FB, and it's going around like crazy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiEwAN-AeIo&feature=youtu.be

This video is very well done and really fires you up. The message is simple and clear and a call to action. I would like to stand with the women at this rally in San Diego. I hope some of you will be there, or organize a similar gathering where you live.

I need to gestate my thoughts on hearing and changing the Collective Birth Story... but for now...
I wanted to pass this video on to all of you.

Warmly,
Pam

Change #?: HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE, PLEASE

Dear Birth Peeps,

Several times I have heard of the following group “recognition” observance. It goes something like this. A group has gathered for birth storytelling or a birth movie, and a leader asks everyone who has had a cesarean to stand. The room is silent for a moment. The cesarean mothers sit. Then the moderator asks all the mothers who birthed normally to stand and applause breaks out.

Not wanting to assume I understand the meaning of this curious ritual,  I would like to ask each participant, “Who is observing silence or applauding?,” and “What message are they intending to send to cesarean mothers?” Then, I would ask the cesarean mothers what meaning they took from this?

I imagine the “moment of silence” could be out of respect for a "loss." I imagine that, depending on which Story Gate of Return each mother is in, different meanings might be drawn by each woman; perhaps there is a time having one’s grief and loss of a desired birth witnessed in silence feels just right. But, not every cesarean mother is (still) in grief about her birth experience; some may feel they should be applauded too for having done their best or having survived their Ordeal. I have long ago completed my work with my cesarean birth and no longer carry any grief about it, so if I were standing in that room, the silence would seem to me to be a projection of someone else’s loss or grief, not my own.

And the applause for those who birth naturally, normally, or vaginally… I just don’t get it. If you/they are fortunate to birth normally, I can understand gratitude, but applause?  I could also stand with this group, but "I" do not want or deserve applause for the Gift I was given; the opportunity to birth normally humbled me. I am especially disturbed by the juxtaposition of applauding one group, the Victors?, while asking the other group (?Victims) to stand in silence… should their heads be hung low?

We have a confusing double standard. I am learning about birth in undeveloped, occupied, or oppressed countries. Women may have to wait in agony for hours, begging for relief, drugs, surgery, even death. But help does not always come quickly if it comes at all. Some women do not survive the wait, their Ordeal. If they are “rescued” by visiting western medicine teams, we all sigh a sigh of relief for modern medicine reaching them. They might even be applauded for surviving, however they did it, by their village, by us.

I am confused by my own projections and where I draw a line in the Sand. But, I sit in my confused mind and enquire who is thinking these thoughts? Who wants to grieve? Who wants to applaud? Who is the ‘I’ that decides who should get a moment of silence and who should get applauded?

In-Love,
Pam